First of all, it is tremendously important that you realize that each person has a way, a line. Each person follows a different goal in life and the only possible decision is the one that you make in your deepest desires. You have to stop comparing yourself to others, specially to those ones that you love. You have to stop the ridiculous behavior that leads you to blame others as guilty. The core point of this whole nightmare is to open your eyes widely and break off this stupid window that is messing all around in your life. Stop being jealous, stop being afraid and start valuing yourself for how you are. Be realistic, and approach the following months in a more positive and realistic perspective.
First, decide a medium term goal. If what will fulfill you is learning French, then go for it. Fight for it. Take a step by step and settle the bases for this purpose. No one will give you any credit for free. You need, now more than never, to stand up for your ideas and, as scary as it is, the only person that is able to decide for you is yourself. So now, calm down and think.
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